real-life infinity

When K was born we loved him infinitely much, more than we'd ever loved anything or anyone, more than we'd ever thought possible.

But then the next day, we loved him even more than that. 

And on it goes.

He is developing into such a hilarious little person. We are blown away by him daily, hourly, minute-ly. We love him so much we are bursting with sunlight.  Sonlight.

He handles his shots with aplomb and charms the doctor before and after. He's a big boy (20 lbs 5 oz) but not too big. He's taking steps here and there and spending lots of time standing unassisted, but he's not making me run around chasing him. Yet.

He says "hi" and "wa-wa" (water) so far and that's all I've seen as intentional speak. "Mama" and "Dada" are daily utterances but not words.  Anyone who's read his G.E.Moore knows the dif.

His smile makes our world go 'round.  I am too clingy a parent and he might be too clingy a kid but I'm not sure what that hurts, in the long run. 

in motion

Lots of big things have been happening to the little thing. It's not nice to call the baby a thing, I suppose. Big things have been happening to him anyway. 

The biggest is that he is mobile. He is slow and stumbly like a short, drunken snake but he manages to get around now. Computers, power cords and cell phones are likely targets of his Drool Ray Gun. Actually he doesn't have a Drool Ray Gun, just a mouth, but it's dangerous nonetheless.

The other big thing is that the boy has croup. Even though this is not 1885, apparently people get the croup. Mostly the croup is caught by younguns and it just means irritation/inflammation of the  upper airway which means he is making gasping/wheezing sounds often. It's scarier sounding than it is.

A few other Big Things: Keaton turned 7 months old (cake was had). Keaton got his first vaccination (DtaP,  cake was had). Keaton's Mom is gaining weight (cake was had).

Other than these big things, life consists mostly of teething biscuits, nursing, naps on the hammock (Keaton with either his Mama or Nana), and occasional trips into the big ole outside world (which will clearly be reduced now that the Swine Flu is on the loose).  It's a good life.

gone with the wind

Keaton spent 8 hours away from me today. It was a first. It hurt. Me, not him. He was in heaven with his Nana, playing with her and her little puppies and with Uncle Ezra, too. But me...

Things happen like: I trip over words and over doorstops because I am moving frantically, hurrying to finish my work so I can get back to the boy.  I imagine him playing without me and my heart hurts that we are separated. Other new Moms are chiller, cooler than me. Other new Moms are happy to have babysitters already. This new Mom is a neurotic, clingy bundle of mush who may be unfit to parent. 

Clearly I will have a most spoiled child because I can do nothing but coo, coddle, comfort.

The good news is, I was able to pump more milk than he took by bottle, so I feel cocky about cheating the system.  The other good news is this: The boy is fast asleep now and for a couple days, at least, I'll get my way and not be parted from him.

not afraid of perfection

There is a voice. A beautiful, sweet voice that is also capable of loud hollering that makes me, the shy mother, uncomfortable.  Uncomfortable but also absolutely in love with the little, loud voice that reverberates in the big yoga room and store warehouse and causes people to look at me (us) warily.  This world is for us.

He is not crawling. He has no teeth. I am okay with all of this. I am okay with him remaining little a little longer. His smile is big. His tolerance of my motherly fumblings is big. His dislike of the carseat, very big. 

Now he is asleep beside me. We have not trained him to sleep other than beside us, and we have not taught him to fall asleep other than while nursing. These are just the mistakes that come to mind.  I'm sure there are more.

The ants go marching

Today was not a rockin' and rollin' day.  Mostly, really, it was a rollin' day. Rollin' off the bed (ouch), rolling out of the baby chair (ouch), rolling over my leg and face-first onto the unforgiving floor (ouch).  Tears and screams were had by all.

This week Keaton has his first cold. It's not what he wanted for his 6 month birthday but it's all we could afford. Ha! Not true. We also got him a lovely toy from Target that he adores. A rattle thing. It sticks in front of his high-chair and he plays with it while we eat. He doesn't know he's being gypped. Yes indeed, he gets a plastic rattle thing while his Mom shoves brownies, pasta, cookies, burgers, pizza, etc in her mouth as fast as she can. He doesn't know his Mom has given up caring about her figure. He doesn't know that plastic rattle things don't taste as good as all this other stuff. Soon he will get food. But not yet. He's just not quick enough to get it before it's gone.

Now he's asleep in bed with his parents and his breath is, for the first time in days, not heavy with congestion. It is a gift. It is heaven. 

The last thing of note:  today Keaton finds the words "chicken stock" hilarious.

dreamin'

Last night Keaton had a night terror. At least, that's the going theory. He abruptly woke up at 1am and started screaming. It was a new scream, not a scream we've translated before. It was a scary scream.  I picked him up and rocked him, tried to nurse him, took off his diaper, checked for bug bites or scratches or any other clue to his unhappiness. His eyes were tightly shut or, if open, not really open.  He screamed like he was in horrific pain.

So I cried.

I was fine, but my eyes were dripping, you know how that is.

We turned on all the lights and walked him around and finally, after about 15 minutes of screaming, Keats' eyes popped open and he looked at us calmly.

5 minutes later he had nursed back to sleep, and that was that.

He's fine today, but I'm still recovering.

Birth Story

THE STORY OF KEATON’S BIRTH

12:30am on Sunday morning: My water broke. A big gush followed by lots of little gushes which lasted for hours. I finally fell asleep by about 4am.

That afternoon (still Sunday) Ali and I were at Central Market gathering last minute snacks. We had just eaten lunch at Freebirds and I had been having light contractions on and off. By 2pm they were starting to get strong enough that I wanted to be at home. We went home and walked a mile together, the contractions kept building.

By 5pm it seemed like the contractions were getting regular, about every 6-8 minutes. Some were very intense. Zoiks.

7pm: Walked another mile. Things are intensifying but still at most about 5 minutes apart. We are watching Roswell episodes which is comforting. Mom and Meg and Gio are on call and I feel bad that I don’t have more info for them and that I’ve left them hanging.

8:15pm: Contractions 4 minutes apart. So intense. I called Gio who made me drink water and breathe. Hearing her voice made me wanna cry. I didn’t, though. I couldn’t talk through the contractions. Had to ask her to hold.

9:10pm: Meg and Mom just got here. MM called and says to drink wine, take ibuprofen and take a hot bath to slow things down (this is called "the trick"). She thinks it’ll be a late night and wants us to rest if we can. Meg brought so much food. Mom and Meg left so I can try the trick.

We tried to sleep. Ali did a little. I didn’t. Contractions have slowed to 8-10 min apart but are increasingly painful.

3am Monday: Ali called MM. She thinks it’s pre-labor. Advises rest, offers to come over. We say not yet.

3:30am: Things are so intense and I am freaking out that this might not even be labor yet. Ali is asleep. I called Mom, she and Meg were asleep in the car outside my house. They came in. I was so glad. Nauseated from the wine. Mom put a cold wash-cloth on my head, really helped. I believe this isn’t even labor yet and I worry about what a wuss I apparently am.

5am: I’m convinced this has to be something, it can’t be pre-labor. Ali calls MM and she says she’s coming over. I am so glad.

5:40: MM arrives, checks me, I’m at 7cm. I am wild with pain but hearing that it is real labor strengthens me. MM suggests a walk. Ali and I step outside and walk. The moon is bright but morning is just starting to break. We get to the end of the road and back and things are heavy. SO hard. We come back in and MM suggests the birthing tub. I got in and it took the edge off, barely. Mom was watching and grinning and I growled at her, "stop smiling." After 2 contractions MM checked fetal tones and told me to get out immediately. She checked me and I remember her saying “uh, honey? I need you to PUSH!”

6:30: I started pushing and squatting to push with Ali’s support. MM gave perineal support and called Aleah who was lost but near. Pushing was a whole new and different pain. It was work.I was dripping sweat, literally. I couldn’t stop making a noise with my throat as I breathed out and MM told me to stop and I jumped on her with “OKAY OKAY!” and feel bad about that. After pushing awhile squatting we moved to the bed. MM did major work to help with stretching. The breaks between contractions were so surreal, so pain-fee except the ring of fire which was more scary (I was sure I was ripping) than excruciating (though it was that, too). MM offered to let me see with a mirror and I said no. She told me to feel the head and I did but it didn’t connect with me that it was my baby’s head, so it did nothing for me.

Finally I pushed and MM told me to LOOK and to keep pushing and I did and watched the baby come out. When I first looked down he was out to the waist and needed just one more push. Ali caught him. While we looked at him in complete shock, MM worked on me and soon the afterbirth just popped out. She said it looked great, I was so healthy. Keats was pink and had only a small bit of vernix on him. MM massaged my stomach which hurt like hell. I was elated, shocked, overwhelmed. Keaton nursed immediately, easily. It was mindblowing.

It took three days to come down from that high to normal land. It was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced. Well, until motherhood.

Born 9/22/08 at 7:24am. 8lbs 6oz, 21.5" long.